


On the Same Wavelength

by Hyperspacial



Category: Love Island (Video Game)
Genre: Cheating, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, Reader-Insert, Swearing, and that's on what? inconsistent writing, the second chapter is reader insert the first is not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25673431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyperspacial/pseuds/Hyperspacial
Summary: A re-writing of Day 29, the rooftop scene where MC and Noah cheat. My MC's name Sveta is subbed in. They still cheat, but I wanted to add more build up so it made sense with his character.
Relationships: Ibrahim/Main Character (Love Island), Noah & Main Character (Love Island), Noah/Main Character (Love Island)
Kudos: 17





	1. Day 29

The villa was the quietest it had ever been, but rather than enjoying the peace that she’d been begging for all month, it felt stifling. The balmy air stuck too closely to her skin and idly scratching her arms didn’t seem to free her from the pressure. It was warmer than it should have been, warmer than how she wanted it to feel when she wandered up to the terrace.

“Is something bothering you, bug?” Sveta barely had time to jump before Noah’s palm slid across her grip on the balcony rail, resting on her hand for a moment before she pulled away. 

“Bug?” 

“Well… Yeah I-” the blush spread across Noah’s face as he stared at the floor tiles, “I guess I never said it aloud I just… I always thought of you as… You remember when Lottie found that beetle in the bathroom and everyone started screaming to kill it-”

“Hope was screaming to kill it. Priya was screaming that she has a family and kids,” Sveta shot back, not taking her eyes away from the rolling hills, twinkling with other vacationers in the darkness. 

“Well yeah. Um- I just thought it was cute how you got a cup and took it outside.” 

There was a long pause. What was she supposed to say to that? Noah was withering into himself in embarrassment, he wasn’t going to say another word until he could melt into a puddle. 

“Yeah, well, Priya was trying to stop Hope from crushing it with an eyeshadow palette, and I would happily walk into lava if Priya asked me to so…” The silence crept in once more, and Sveta sighed lightly, “Of everything that’s gone on, I miss her the most. I wish she could’ve made it to the final with us.” 

Noah nodded slightly, either in agreement or appeasement. 

“I didn’t know you saw that whole beetle thing? It was like a month ago and I remember it being only the girls-”

“I was looking for Hope.” He said it quietly, with something deeper in his voice. Sveta didn’t care to look at his face for the answer, she knew it was infatuation. He was so fucking infatuated with Hope and couldn’t see what a controlling person she was. She couldn’t help but quip about it.

“Kinda weird to see you up here without her hovering.” 

“Yeah.” Noah paused and bit his lip, then continued “I think since it’s the last night she’s giving me some space. We’re both a little overwhelmed and nervous.”

Sveta rolled her eyes, finally turning to face him. She didn’t mean to be unkind to him, but he’s always been so dense. She crossed her arms, “Nervous about what? It’s just a game. Do you think the two of you are going to have drama outside the villa?”

Noah glanced over at her and, seemingly taken aback, quickly pulled away from the railing to face her. 

“It always seems to find us, I’m sure the real world will be no different. But what about you and Rahim? He went to bed alone and you’re up here pouting. Hardly seems like the-”

“I’m not pouting.” Sveta turned away from him and walked to the loveseat, pulling a blanket over her before she sat down. Noah didn’t move, watching her silently.

“I’m not pouting. I’m just… Well you said overwhelmed, right? Rahim will be in the bed when I go down, I deserve some alone time.”

“I can leave,” he offered, but made no movement towards the stairs. 

“Fine, sure. Why did you even come up here?” Sveta snapped, before looking down and apologizing. “I don’t know why I’m mad at you- I’m not mad I’m just frustrated.”

Finally moving towards the patio, Noah perched on the opposite lawn chair’s armrest and leaned in.

“Frustrated with me or Rahim?”

“With everything. This has been a massive undertaking, just being here. The museum barely let me take a leave of absence, my parents seem to think I’m ready to drop everything and move in with my pro-golfer boyfriend, I haven’t seen my dog in two months, and for what? What do I have to show for it? Making an ass of myself on TV and a relationship that’s barely hanging on when we’re with each other, let alone long distance.”

“You haven’t made an ass of yourself. The public voted for you and Rahim into the final, they must like you?”

“I hate that too, hate that they like us. If we would’ve been voted out it’d be one thing but… I feel like every time we don’t agree I’m disappointing the whole world.”

The sound of crickets and faint muffled conversations filled the silence. Noah slipped into a sitting position as Sveta stared at her hands. 

“If it means anything, I didn’t know that you two were having issues,” he offered.

“I don’t think Rahim knows either. It’s just… When the show sets us up to be romantic we’re a proper couple, yeah? Like he becomes a perfect gentleman and we have chemistry, I loved the ocean date we had but I couldn’t shake off the nagging feeling that… That it was a template I wished someone else was filling it. Our whole relationship feels like that. It has all of the elements but something’s not right. And I feel like I’m tricking everyone because no one sees it’s wrong.”

“Why is it wrong?” Noah asked gently. It was fortunate that Sveta had been bottling all of this up and now forgot herself, or she would have stopped herself from answering.

“He’s kind of an ass.” Noah raised his eyebrows in surprise. 

“Like he’ll do all the romantic things with me, but the normal… Conversations are so stilted. Like he constantly makes fun of me for being goofy with Chelsea or making jokes, but I haven’t said a word about his comics. I don’t care about them in the slightest but I still try to be interested for his sake. He doesn’t do the same when I talk about my restoration work or the sewing projects I want to work on-”

“I didn’t know you did sewing-”

“I never talk about it because when I talk about myself Ibrahim couldn’t be less interested! He always tells me that I’m beautiful, like always. Once a conversation he’ll say that. So much that it starts to lose meaning. Or I wonder, is that all he cares about? I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a proper compliment from him about something that matters! And he’s constantly picking on me! Whenever I wake him up he’s annoyed about that instead of happy to see me. When everything got awkward yesterday and I was just trying to lighten the mood, he said it was weird that I started singing. But that was the point! I was just trying to lighten the mood. And then tonight he wanted to send Lottie home? Can you believe that? If he had a friendship in the villa I’d respect it, but he looked me in the face and said he thought my best friend was a bitch and should go home. I tried to tell him how much she’s grown but he didn’t even care that he hurt me! He didn’t even recognize that it wasn’t about Lottie, it was about him saying he doesn’t like my friends and refusing to even listen to me!” She was yelling now, not considering Noah listening intently across from her, the cameras, or that other islanders might be able to overhear. 

“And yesterday morning? I was teasing him by taking a little bit of his croissant and he got really upset about it. It was just supposed to be a joke but he scolded me like a child, and then he said I look ugly when I eat which is just… Who says that to a person?!”

“I remember that- I meant what I said, Sveta. You look perfectly… Fine-”

“I know I do, it’s just. What a dumb thing to make someone insecure about!? And for no reason! I can’t be goofy with him because he gets all quiet and awkward. Maybe that’s my fault, I knew he was quiet and awkward and that’s always been my type on paper but… Maybe that’s all he is. It’s not that I have a problem with quiet, I’m extroverted enough for the both of us, it’s that when he’s quiet he’s not enjoying himself, he’s quiet because he thinks I’m embarrassing him. I didn’t come on here to embarrass myself!”

“I don’t think you have.” Sveta’s eyes finally met Noah’s, and he could see the tears welling up. He started to stand, to go and comfort her, but she quickly swiped at her eyes and stood. 

“It’s so dumb that I waited until the last night to get upset about all of this. It’s not going to matter in a day.”

“I don’t think you waited, I think you’ve been upset about this for a while and not said anything” Noah returned softly. 

Sveta stared at the ground, hugging herself. “I’ve never been the type to get this emotional about relationships it’s just so- so… I don’t have anything else to distract myself with. And honestly it has been nice- he’s lovely when we’re on a date or cuddling or- it just feels like-”

“It’s not real?”

“Well yeah, none of this is real. I can cuddle with him on a floating gazebo in the ocean on Love Island but I don’t think I’ll be able to do laundry with him in real life. So then I’m left with what? What was all of this for?”

“When did you start feeling like this?”

“Ever since I coupled with Rahim. Maybe longer- I. It was fun feeling like our relationship weathered Shannon and Jo and all of their drama. But liking the challenge of a relationship isn’t liking the actual relationship, right? He seemed so confident, he- Noah he said he loved me.”

The surprise reflected over Noah’s face and he didn’t trust himself to respond. Sveta didn’t seem to need him to respond, as she was pacing in front of the coffee table now. 

“And then I go back to feeling like a horrid person because what if all of this is in my head and we are in love? My parents seem to think so- Fuck they were excited for me to bring him home and be in a relationship for once. But if it’s always going to feel like this I don’t know if I can be-”

“In love? With him?”

She took a deep breath and stood still for a moment, glancing over at Noah who was looking up at her with something in his face again. She never could read Noah, but she thought it might be that he wanted something from her. That he expected, no, needed her to say something incredibly specific in response. 

“I didn’t- I didn’t say I loved him back, if that’s what you’re asking. Which made the whole situation uncomfortable because… God how do you even recover from that?”

Noah nodded and broke eye contact, staring at the ground now. She wanted to go over and, touch him? Hold him? Why did she feel the need to be comforting him?

“I’m sorry for all of this. I’m just angry with myself. I just want to go home and pretend none of this ever happened.”

“I don’t.” He looked up again.

“Well of course you don’t. You and Hope have been solid since day one. You haven’t had to deal with the awkward feeling of just moving from couple to couple always feeling out of place. You haven’t had to look Bobby in the face when he keeps flirting with you and say he’s only a friend. You haven’t had to put up with being Lucas’ go to when his first choice is with someone else, but then dumped the second they aren’t. You haven’t had to fix everyone else’s problems and issues without ever having anyone to talk to about yours!”

“We’re talking now, aren’t we?”

“Yeah. Yeah we are. On the last night, when nothing can change. Too little too late, Noah.”

He winced and let out a long breath, picking at his nails now.

“I’m afraid that’s been my problem this summer.”

“At least you’ve had a nice time. At least you’ve known why you’re here,” Sveta continued, oblivious to the creeping frown growing on his face. “After every recoupling I started from scratch thinking ‘is this worth it? Is this guy going to be the one?’. And when I finally clicked with Henrik he was immediately voted off. And no one acted like that was it for me. That should’ve been it for me. I came back from Casa Amor with someone who didn’t really like me but I knew Lucas wasn’t going to stay single, I’ve had so many chances and blew every single one. And I just kept asking myself ‘why am I still here? What is this for? What is keeping me here?” 

Sveta was so engrossed in her resumed pacing that she hadn’t realized that Noah had stood and silently walked to her. She didn’t notice until she ran into his solid chest and he gently wrapped his arms around her. She didn’t push away, but she certainly stopped talking and looked up at him.

“You haven’t blown any chances. If you didn’t click with Arjun or Rahim or Lucas, that’s hardly your fault. That’s the way love works. You’re a fantastic woman, Sveta. You’re smart and compassionate and yeah, a little bit goofy. If Rahim makes you feel bad about that, then he’s not the one.” His breath gently pressed her face as he spoke softly, staring deep into her eyes. For her part, she just looked up at him blankly, eyes unmoving and lips slightly parted. He waited for her to say something, then began to extricate his arms. She suddenly pulled his waist closer.

“It was you.”

“What?” Noah furrowed his brows but didn’t move. He couldn’t figure out if he was hugging her or if she was holding them together now, and as important as that seemed he couldn’t pull his mind from her trembling bottom lip.

“What’s keeping me here. It’s you.” She said quietly, watching his reaction. 

“Sveta we never-”

“I know we never coupled up, and that was why it was so annoying when I felt like I couldn’t leave. You kept giving me little moments, a look during the cake challenge or reassurance in a terse moment and I just didn’t feel like I could-”

“Give up? You should’ve. I’ve been terrible to you.” He paused for a moment, waiting for her to say anything and when she didn’t he slowly leaned down. She parted her lips and let him kiss her, but didn’t make any move to kiss back. He pulled back slowly.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn-”

“Have let Hope drag you around? I wanted you, Noah. The first day I picked you. I had to watch as you braided her hair and let her yell at you about fucking toasties. I had to watch as you did everything you could to appease her and didn’t say a word.” 

“Yeah. Yeah you did. I was scared, and embarrassed, and a little ashamed. I just wanted everyone to be happy and I thought you were- Well. I can’t believe I never asked you if you were happy. I just assumed. But today my parents pointed out that I didn’t seem happy with Hope and I… I realized that you were going to go home and I’d have never tried to tell you.”

A small smile broke the tears running down Sveta’s cheeks. He hadn’t realized she’d started crying, and gently brushed her cheek with his thumb.

“What, you just wanted me to make the first move?” She chided, grinning widely.

“Well you certainly always seem to. It’s like we’re on the same wavelength but you’re just faster to action than me. I know what you’re feeling, about being the problem in the relationship and not being able to just will yourself to be happy. I was starting to think that the only thing wrong with Nope was that I couldn’t commit but…”

A few seconds passed and Sveta prompted “but?”. Noah stayed silent, taking in every aspect of her face. The small chip on her front tooth, the freckles that splayed across her nose and cheeks, the flecks of brown in her eyes he’d never noticed before. Why hadn’t he bothered to notice before?

“But I think you’re right. I was just stuck on you and too scared to take the risk.” 

He started to say something more before she lurched onto her tip toes and kissed him deeply. They were suddenly tumbling backwards onto the lounger’s cushion, but it felt as if they weren’t moving at all. As if the universe was bending around them. 

Their lips crashed together and Noah didn’t know if it was his hands entangled in her dress straps or her fingers on his belt that made him pause.

“Sveta.” He whispered, but she continued kissing his neck and running her finger tips along his stomach. “Sveta.” He repeated, before pulling her chin up to look him in the eyes.

“Do you want this?” He asked, and she looked at him blankly. “This feels really big and I don’t want to jump headfirst in if you’re not-”

“You never want to jump into anything” She breathed, as her hand pulled away from his and sought lower on his body. He bit his lip as she slipped it under his suit pants and took hold of him. “But for once in your life”, she whispered, pulling her head up to bite at his ear, “Jump.”

*******

They both had to take a moment and bask afterwards. A tangle of limbs all halfheartedly covered by the throw blanket or the other person, the sweat clinging to their faces and skin, deep breaths that gave into steady breathing. The muffled chatter from the villa had long since died down and the sounds of the night blanketed the couple. Sveta hid her face in Noah’s chest, and he gently ran his hands through her hair. 

He was the first one to speak, after a long while saying “I have the creeping feeling that this is going to be bad, but I can’t bring myself to agree with it.”

Sveta giggled under her breath and looked up at him, only saying “oh?”

“Well yeah. Hope’s going to be… Livid but I… Sveta that was fantastic.” She hummed in agreement, peppering kisses across his shoulder.

“I don’t- I don’t know where your head is at, bug. I want to know.” She sighed and looked up at him, pulling the blanket closer.

“I want you. Every time I’ve been intimate with Rahim it’s felt stilted and a little uncomfortable but… I know this is right. It feels right. That’s what I’ve been looking for all summer, something that feels right.”

“I feel the same,” he said, stroking her side lazily, “but what I meant was, what do you want to happen? I’d love to ignore the world for a little longer but-”

“No. I know. I just… Like what you said in the baby challenge, this is a game, and fighting in a game isn’t the best way to solve real issues. I think… I think we’re real. I don’t want to put words in your mouth or anything but… I can see dating you outside of the villa. I… I want to be a mom. I’m not saying we’re going to have kids or anything like that I’m just saying-”

“One thing at a time, I get it.”

They both fell silent for a few minutes, struggling with their feelings for each other and the impending confrontation.

“Rahim’s going to be heartbroken,” she said, breaking the silence. “I don’t think he’s realized that our relationship is… Rocky.”

“And Hope’s going to be furious. She knows that we’ve been strained but she’s so focused. She told me that it didn’t matter if we were fighting, just that we make it to the final. What you said about the game… I don’t want to play it. I feel like telling everyone and arguing for the cameras is just giving them more content.”

Sveta moved her head back in surprise, frowning at him, “so what, you’re just going to kiss Hope and win and act like everything’s normal?”

“Don’t be so sure we’re winning, Sveta. And no, I wouldn’t do that to you. I just… I don’t want to fight with her anymore.” He trailed off as Sveta pulled back and started to pull her dress back up. She fixed the top then stood, holding the unzipped garment closed.

“So what? This was just a booty call? Don’t I deserve more than that, Noah? I thought you wanted to be together?”

Noah stood as well, wrapping the blanket around his waist and holding her sides, “I do. But we can’t wait another 24 hours for that? The viewers aren’t going to appreciate us undermining their voting and making of mess of things-”

“I don’t give a shit about what the viewers want.” 

“Okay, well, do you care about what I want?”

“Of course.”

“So then I’m telling you- I’ve been fighting with Hope all summer. She gets really personal and mean about dumb things like how I cut my grilled cheese. I really don’t want to fight with her about something that matters so much to me. I’d be happier if we could just… Act like nothing’s changed for a few more hours, finish the show, and then be together. Because nothing has changed, Sveta. I’ve had feelings for you for so long…”

“But you’re afraid of Hope so you don’t act on them,” she crossed her arm, frowning.

“I’m not the only one, bug. You’d have to confront Rahim too.”

She took a deep breath and nodded, turning and offering him the zipper of her dress. He silently pulled it up and then kissed the back of her neck.

“It’s not real, Sveta. I don’t want to play this game anymore, I have you. I’ve already won.”

She turned and half smiled, getting to work on the buttons of his shirt.

“It’ll feel terribly real tomorrow morning when someone wins.” 

He smiled, “hopefully it’ll be Lottie and Gary then.” 

Sveta finished his buttons and looked up at him, “and if it’s not?”

He paused for a moment and pursed his lips. Noah didn’t meet her eyes as he gently detangled her hair and scooped it back into place.

“I promise you, win or not, I’ll tell Hope after it’s been announced. You’ll have to tell Ibrahim too. I don’t care about the money, I just want to be done with this show.” 

Sveta nodded and bent over to retrieve his belt. “Okay,” she said, and handed it to him. “Okay. That’s the plan then. I’ll go downstairs and get ready for bed, you need to fix your hair and wait for a bit before coming down.”

She started to walk towards the stairs when Noah caught her wrist and pulled her to him once more.

“I saw such a different side of you last night. You’ve always been so calm and steadfast, and seeing you upset and yelling” Sveta started to apologize but Noah pressed his lips to hers softly for a moment before continuing. 

“It made me realize that all of the fights with Hope, the whole time I was telling myself ‘I can’t be with someone so loud and emotional’, but that wasn’t true. It felt like too much, well… because it was. But I can handle passion and frustration and anger, when it’s coming from the right person. You have every right to be furious with me and how the summer’s treated you, Sveta. But when I’m with Hope, it makes me want to run away. With you… I want to be by your side and solve it. I’ll fight with you every single day if it means solving the problems you face and letting you vent.”

Sveta was grinning widely again, blush heating up her cheeks. In a small voice she whined, “I’m not a volatile person”, and Noah chuckled in response.

“No. No you’re not.” He kissed her closed eyelid, smiling to himself. “I just want you to know that you can be yourself, wholly and truly around me. It’s okay to be angry and I’ll never make fun of you for that. I’ll never make fun of you for eating, or laughing, or being a dope.”

Sveta snickered and looked him in the eyes, “alright, and I’ll forgive you for waiting months to talk to me one on one.” A pained smile made her amend her statement, “I mean, you did. But I understand why, it’s hard to feel like you’re disappointing everyone. But you’re not.”

Noah sighed deeply, “but I am. Hope’s going to… I don’t know what and-”

“Well you’ve not disappointed me,” Sveta said, looking down. She didn’t want to face the reality of what they’d done. Of course there would be consequences, but this moment felt right.

“That’s all that matters, then.” He pulled her chin up once again to kiss her.

Sveta kissed him deeply, then pulled away and walked down the stairs. He watched her go, then ran his hand through his hair. He hadn’t thought about the show, or the cameras, or Hope, which was a good thing. But now that she was gone he still felt her lips echoing on his skin, and the reality started to sink in deeper. Hope would know, the world would know. 

He glanced up at the camera, which was trained on the lounger they’d shared. He rolled his eyes and walked a few steps closer.

“You were right, Mom.” He said, speaking directly to the camera and holding his mic closer to his lips. “I’m bringing the right girl home. Please forgive me for doing that in front of you.” He dropped his mic back down to his lapel and turned away, chuckling to himself. 

“Always did know what I was thinking before I realized it myself.”


	2. Day 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After last night, MC has decided to leave Rahim for Noah. She resolves to tell Rahim at the afterparty, and just hopes they don't win. They do, chaos ensues.
> 
> I know it's a little jarring but I wrote this follow up much later, and switched to second person. MC is the character name referenced instead of Sveta.

The sinking feeling started the moment the words left your lips. Rahim’s eyes lit up and he nodded, chuckling. He sidestepped the podium and pulled you against his chest. Surely he said something, but you were frozen, processing everything at once. He pressed his lips to your temple.

“Darling, we did it. We won.” His lips were on the side of your head again as you made no move to meet them, for some reason all you could process was his teeth gently scraping your skin. It felt like your outline had dissolved and he was trying to reform the shape of you with, trying to hold you together with his touch. You didn’t meet his excited kisses. Or were they frantic? Or were you just frantic?

All at once you could hear again, and it was too loud despite the inside of your head feeling silent. You deftly slipped onto tip toes and gave Ibrahim a peck, not meeting his eyes. If you had you would’ve seen warmth, excitement, affection. Those all seemed contradictory to the stifling quietness you felt. You knew what needed to happen, what was going to happen, but now the dread was building. 

“MC? You look a little stunned.” How did he do that? Manage to focus all of his attention on you while still holding your hand and walking you towards the afterparty. He tilted his head down, brows furrowed and intently searching your face.

“I just… So much has- So much has happened-” You stammer out, quickly meeting his eyes before pulling away slightly.

“I know, but we won-” you couldn’t help the quick laugh that tumbled from your mouth, and Rahim frowned in confusion before the cheering and clapping engulfed you both. Someone was announcing you, and everyone was touching your arms as you walked past. Your family was in the crowd somewhere, but growing shame kept you from searching them out. 

The first thing to anchor you was a wall of Priya’s floral perfume as she ran over and threw her arms around you. You clung to her, pulling yourself close and burying your face in her hair. Of course you’d missed her, but at the moment all you could think was that if you told her, if you really explained yourself, she’d be the one to understand. It’s not that she’d release you from the guilt weighing down your gut, it’s that she’d listen without adding to it.

“How are you, babes? It’s been forever.” 

When you pulled away to respond, you caught a flash of Rahim’s navy coat as he walked away. Priya noticed you looking after him and laughed, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Oh come off it, he’s just going to greet some people. You can afford to be alone for a few minutes. Am I not good enough.” You can’t help but grin.

“No you’re good enough, you’re perfect. I missed you- I… Can we talk?” The smile didn’t leave her lips but the twinkle in her eye fell away as she regarded you. She nodded and pulled you by your wrist off to a quiet corner of the garden.

“Do you want to take your mic off?” 

You were surprised by the question. It’d been two months of constantly wearing the mic pack, so much so that you hardly thought about the recording before speaking.

“Are we allowed- this is? Still part of the show?” 

“Well if it’s something serious- babes are you pregnant?”

You can’t help but laugh and hug Priya again. She rubbed your back and for a moment everything was okay. What you needed to do was manageable. 

“No, no nothing like that. I just. Well. You’re going to think I’m a horrid person after I tell you.”

“Of course not, MC, I love you.” You covered your face to hold back the tears that were bubbling in the back of your throat. Priya let you have a few moments of silence before she gently pulled your palms back into hers, “I just want you to be happy, babes.”

Her tone took you aback, as if she knew something. “Did they show- do you know-”

She was nodding before you finished, “they showed everything, MC, you and Noah… I was surprised they didn’t put it in the slideshow, but maybe they wanted it to blow up here?”

Now the tears were falling. The world knew about you and Noah. The world was going to despise you for breaking up Nope, for abandoning Rahim. You opened your mouth to respond and a sob came out instead. Priya pulled you into a hug and resuming rubbing your back.

“It’s okay, babes. Turns out there was a huge group of stans on twitter- do you know what a stan is? I learned after getting home, it’s like uh- It doesn’t matter- there’s a bunch of people who have wanted you to get together since before we even went to Casa. It’s okay, I’m not mad at you. Most people aren’t mad at you.”

“You wanted him too and now I-” You sobbed.

“Don’t even, MC. I took my chance and Noah didn’t feel the same. But if he feels the same about you? I’ll tell you exactly what you told me- if you think it’ll make you happy then don’t give up on it.”

“He makes me so happy, Priya. He’s kind and supportive and thoughtful and-”

“Then it’s okay. It’s okay. Hush.” 

After a few minutes, Priya started patting down your hair and wiping the mascara from your cheeks. Your sobbing has decrescendoed into quiet sniffling. 

“I bet Elisa has a makeup bag with her. It’s okay. You just have to keep it together for one more night and then-”

“I have to tell him, Priya. It’s not fair… I have to tell him.”

She took a deep breath, exhaled loudly, then nodded. “Of course you do. You could just go home and ghost him-”

“He’s going to watch the show and know,” you sniffled, wiping your nose on your forearm and then grimacing. “Hell, he’s going to check his phone and read one text message and know. He should hear it from me.” 

She nodded again. Then she kissed your forehead, with the same gentleness that Rahim had earlier and the tears started forming again.

“You’re going to be fine, babes. I’ll go find Elisa.”

“Can you just… Send Rahim over?” She raised her eyebrows and then but then nodded slowly. Before she could ask you reassured her you were sure. She smiled sadly, squeezed your hand, then walked back to the party.

You were rubbing your arms, hugging yourself, desperately trying to keep it together when Rahim meandered over. His sport coat was unbuttoned and his tie was untied and half haphazardly flung on his shoulders. 

“You’re missing the party, darling, everyone wants to see you.” He tried to hand you one of the champagne glasses he was holding, but you didn’t move to take it. It was then that he noticed your smudged makeup and ruffled hair.

“Is- is everything alright?” And before you knew it the words were tumbling out. Half of it was incoherent and most of it was interrupted by you swiping away fresh tears.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen. I really loved you, I love you. It just always felt like there was some part of me holding back, something I couldn’t release even though there shouldn’t have been. You know me, Rahim, it’s not like I was worried about any of my exes, it’s been so long I can’t even say I care about- that’s not the point, it’s just… You know I don’t do things like this. And it was all lovely, it really was, it was everything I wanted and more. The cabana, or is it called a cabana? I don’t know, the floating gazebo- whatever, it so amazing and you were amazing. And you were so good with the baby- I mean the doll- it wasn’t really a doll though it was a metaphor for how you’d be as a kid. I mean father, how you’d be as a father with a kid- I don’t know if I’m even using ‘metaphor’ right. I genuinely thought you were who I wanted to be with. But now we’re facing the real world and it feels like everything’s changed.”

“Nothing’s changed, darling, you’re just panicking-” He reached out for you before you shrugged him off.

“Please don’t touch me right now, I need to say this and if you start holding me I can’t get through it. That’s the problem, see- nothing’s changed. But I’ve changed… I- Well. I haven’t- I just… I guess I’ll just come out and say it. You’ll hate me, and rightfully so you should hate me, but please please know I never wanted to hurt you. Everything I said and did was true, in the moment. But I… I was thinking about what I really really want. This summer has been so crazy and I’ve learned so much, which I didn’t expect from a dumb game show. But I don’t- I can’t… The thing that was holding me back was- someone else. And I know this is going to hurt you and, and- and…”

You were crying again, and Rahim stood stiffly, unmoving save for his eyes flicking across your face rapidly. He didn’t say a word, despite a part of you hoping he would. You didn’t know if you wanted him to kiss you so you could pretend none of this happened or to get angry and make it harder for you. Either way would feel less shameful than this.

“Noah- he. Well I… We talked about how we felt last night. About the summer and the finale and- and. And we realized we both wanted the same thing. Neither of us felt like… I don’t know, contented. That came out wrong, I was content- you made me so happy. I just, we both felt like something was nagging at us. And I supposed it was that I always fancied him- and he told me that he’s fancied me for a while. I didn’t know! I swear I didn’t know! If I’d have known I would’ve never done this to you, I swear. It’s just that last night’s the first time Noah and I even got the chance to- that doesn’t make it okay but I- I don’t know.” 

You aggressively scrubbed at your eyes and looked up at Rahim. His face was neutral, unreadable. Like the first day you’d met him and thought that he looked too closed off. Now you feel like you’d gotten to know if more than any of of past partners, yet he seemed the same level of indecipherable. All at once, the shame grew heavier. 

You both stared at each other for what seemed like forever before he quietly gritted out, “what the fuck, MC.” You shook your head in confusion, trying to remember if you’d ever heard Rahim curse before. 

“What the fuck,” he said, louder now. You spared a glance to the crowd of people, none of whom seemed to notice your absence. 

“Don’t fucking look at him, look at me.” Rahim’s hand shot out and grabbed your chin, wrenching your face up to his.

“I wasn’t looking at him-” You stammered out, but Rahim squeezed your jaw harder before letting go, his hands falling into fists at his side. 

“What am I supposed to do with that, now? You told me you’d be my girlfriend and then what, the second another fit bloke wanders along you’re jumping ship?”

“It’s not like that-”

“Are you kidding me, MC? I _just_ talked to my parents and bragged that we were going to move in together-”

“I never told you that.”

“That’s where I thought we were headed! I wouldn’t have picked you if I didn’t think that.”

“You had to pick someone and at the time I thought-”

“Don’t try to turn this on me, are you kidding.”

“I’m not-”

“I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear any of it. Do you know what I gave up for you? Jo and I-”

“What you gave up?!? Rahim I love you so much I gave up 25 grand. Noah wanted me to take it all but I said-”

“That was my money, MC! None of this is about the money! We won, as a couple we won, because the world wants to see us together. We won because we’re the best couple, because we’re in love. Now you want to throw it all away for some money?! Was this ever serious to you or was I just a game?”

“That’s not fair and you know it. I loved you and I wanted us to work. It wasn’t until Noah-”

“I don’t want to hear another bloody thing about Noah. You told me you loved me. You’re the one who said that. You’re- you- you fought with Jo- You told her you loved me and that you wanted to be with me forever and you were going to fight-”

“And I was! And what was it you gave up, exactly? What big sacrifice did you make to be with me? Jo???”

“This isn’t about her!”

“Isn’t it? We both have people that we always thought ‘what if it worked with them instead.”

“I never thought that, I was invested in you because I loved you and you said-”

“ _Invested_ in me? I’m not a product! That’s your problem, Rahim! You treat this relationship like it’s some kind of transaction, you say a nice thing or do a nice thing and expect something back and there’s no-”

“My problem is that I love _you_!”

“You haven’t exactly been showing it then! Every joke I make you think I don’t see you rolling your eyes? You think I don’t care when you snark off about me rewearing a dress or laughing too loudly with Chelsea? And that comment the other day at breakfast, what was that?”

“Oh ok, I see. It’s my fault. You’re breaking up with me over a comment?”

“You said I looked ugly when I ate, Rahim!”

“I did not-”

“And when I ask you things you get so defensive! You always assume that I’m insulting you! You have this weird idea that I’m somehow out of your league but also that you’re better than me and know how’s best to act and what’s best to say-”

“This isn’t my fault! You think I don’t have issues too? The difference is when I’m annoyed that you’re eating off my plate or taking my things or leaving a mess behind I tell you. I don’t wait until your back is turned and make a fool of you to the world!”

“I didn’t wait until your back was turned! I never lied to you!”

“Well you know what, I lied to you. I _did_ kiss Jo and it was really nice. I fancied her a lot. Is that what you want to hear? She’s actually invested in my interests and she’s beautiful. And she doesn’t care what everyone else thinks of her, unlike you. And she’s so much funnier than you because she doesn’t try so hard.”

Your jaw fell open and you had no comeback. You didn’t spare a glance to the half circle of people that had formed meters away, silently watching. You didn’t bother to wipe the tears that were tumbling down into your mouth and down your neck. You just stared at Rahim, hard. His face was twisted up in anger and his chest rose and fell quickly, with deep huffing breaths.

“Is that what you want to do? To hurt me when I tried to come clean and tell you how I’m feeling?” He said nothing, “I never personally attacked you, Rahim. I said I love you and I do. Sure you do things that I hate, but I could never hate you. Maybe we’re just not as compatible as we thought we were, and we let the glamour and drama convince us this was a relationship worth saving.”

It was a few beat of silence before he mumbled, “Ibrahim.”

“What?”

“My name. My name is Ibrahim, to you.”

You frowned and started shaking your head, “Don’t do this- we don’t have to hate each other-” He had turned and was stalking away before you finished your sentence. He pushed through the throng of people, and you were left standing alone, trying to comprehend how things had escalated. 

No sooner had Ibrahim disappeared into the group of people, Chelsea came bounding out from behind the onlookers. She wrapped you in a hug and whispered, “Priya said you’d need me.” You were nodding and crying again as Chelsea ushered you towards the bathroom.

An hour and a half later, your makeup washed off then carefully reapplied, your face depuffed and hair straightened, you wandered back into the party. Despite what you thought of as the most explosive argument in the villa, the mood didn’t seem to be dampened at all. As you drifted through the bodies, a few people stopped you to chat. Rocco, Elisa, Shannon, no one mentioned the argument. Surely they had to know, but they all spoke earnestly and were just glad to see you again.

It was before you realized what you were even searching for that you found it, Hope and Noah laughing along to a story Lottie was emphatically telling. Both girls smiled when they saw you and pulled you into the circle, with congratulations and hugs. You tried to get invested in the rest of the conversation, but without really realizing it Lottie was hugging you again and wandering off. Hope was saying something and you just slowly nodded, too exhausted to follow the words.

“Oh, there’s Lucas! I’m gonna go steal him for a second before he disappears again. Odd how that works! I’ll be right back.” And then Hope was jogging into the crowd of undulating bodies. The group hardly seemed like individuals anymore, just a thrumming mass of voices and touches that were slowly boxing you in. Noah was saying something, and you had to shake your head and ask “sorry, what?”

“I asked Lottie about it- the nail polish names. She said they were all weird but here-” He was pressing something into your hand and for the first time tonight you felt grounded but a touch rather than untethered by it.

“-It’s called bubbly baby. I don’t know why but-”

“Are we doing this?” You asked quietly, and he leaned in and asked you to repeat. His face was closer to yours, and you wanted him to wrap his arms around you and create a shield against the party’s noise and pulsing body. You wanted him to hold you like Rahim had when you split the money, like Priya had as you cried, like he had the night before when it seemed like the whole universe finally aligned the way it was meant to. But his arm around Hope’s waist as she talked to you earlier stuck in your mind.

“Well I don’t know. I thought we had everything- It’s okay. I didn’t want to come between you and Rahim, it’s okay that you slept on it and realized what you wanted.” His voice was low in your ear. Why did him and Priya keep lying, it was only okay if this wasn’t for nothing. But it seemed like he was the one who slept on it and woke up indecisive.

“I want you, Noah. I don’t care about the game, or the money. I just spent hours sobbing myself dry because I broke Rahim’s heart and-”

“You broke up with him?” Noah leaned back suddenly, eyes wide.

“Yeah, I thought you’d know by now. He was furious and… I guess I was too. It’s over and it was messy and now I come here and find you with Hope acting like nothing’s wrong.”

“I just… MC I assumed that you split the money with him because you wanted to be with him-”

“I told you, Noah. I told you last night and this morning that I wasn’t going to steal from Rahim. If we won and if I picked the money, he was still half of the couple that won. It wouldn’t be right to take that from him too.”

“But I thought we were going to-”

“25k is more than enough to do what we want, Noah. I don’t have any student loans, I’m not saying we have to move in together but that’s plenty for a down payment. I just don’t want this all to be for nothing because- I know I want you. But it feels like you don’t want me.”

“No, no, not at all, MC.” He leaned forward and hugged you tightly. You could feel him shaking.

“I’m- I’m over the moon. I thought I’d lost you just when we finally had our chance. I just thought you changed your mind.”

You hugged him back, wrapping your arms around his neck and inhaling his scent. It smelled like some kind of wood and spice, it smelled like home. You blushed when you caught up with your thoughts, it was far too early to be thinking that. But it felt like this was a long time in the works, and now that you had it, had him, it was everything. 

You both stayed like that for a moment. You were the one who broke the hug.

“You need to tell Hope.” He sucked in a breath and nodded. 

“Absolutely. This is it, MC. This is everything I want.” That brought a tight smile to your face.

“You need to talk to her.” He smiled and gently held your cheek. When you looked into his eyes, full of warmth, he nodded.

“You’re right. I will. I’ll go tell her right now.”

You giggled and he paused for a moment, quirking an eyebrow.

“It’s just that- me and Rahim have already ruined the afterparty. I can’t imagine how absolutely ruined it’ll be after this.”

He broke into a smile too, and nodded. “It’s going to be an absolute disaster.”

You both progressed from giggles to hysterical laughter, clinging to each other and feeding off of each other’s snorts and gasps.

“An absolute disaster” you echoed.

“But one’s that’s well worth it,” he managed, taking deep breaths as you both wound down. Once you managed to stave off the cackling, you stood silently, holding both of each other’s hands, gazing at each other silently.

“Seriously, MC. This is worth anything. I’m so sorry I’ve done this to you, it’s not fair and it’s not-”

“Stop stalling, jackass.”

He broke out into a grin again, and went in for a kiss. You pulled back, pressing a finger to his lips.

“Go talk to her. Please. There’ll be plenty of time for that when things go back to normal I just…”

“Need me to commit so you know I won’t back out?” He offered. You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding and nodded stiffly.

“Well buckle up, MC. I’m all in. I’m more certain about us than I’ve been about anything in my life.” He gently squeezed your arms, and then brushed past you into the crowd. You turned to watch him go, biting your lip and rubbing where his hand last touched you.


End file.
